Please note:  due to costs, our boarding rates have increased slightly for 2009 (see "Pricing" tab)

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Pets are Family

You can relax.  Whether you’re expecting a long day at work, or going on a long vacation, your pet is in good hands at Schnortzville. Our focus is on providing services that contribute to a healthy and happy environment for your pet. The signature product in Schnortzville is quality, one-on-one care. Whether your pet is visiting us for a day of play, or for an extended stay, you’ll feel secure knowing that your furry family member is in a warm and loving environment. 

Balance is the Key

Schnortzville Pet Spa & Doggie Daycare offers a daycare environment that balances play, rest and exercise based on the temperament, age, and size of your dog.  A supervised, structured environment increases the safety, well-being, and overall enjoyment of your pet while he/she visits us.  The physical and mental well-being of your pet is the focus of our business.  Happy pets (and their owners) are our priority, period. 

Staff

Our staff is pet CPR trained, and we also have an animal behaviorist on staff to monitor dog play, keeping the dogs safe, and having organized games for the dogs' mental and physical well being. In the near future, we will also offer a fitness program and group classes in the evening and on weekends. One-on-one training (basic manners) is available while your dog is at the facility for daycare or boarding.  Our facility is staffed 24/7, so pets are not left unattended during the night. 

Affordable, Transparent Pricing

We don’t hide our prices, which you’ll likely find reasonable and competitive.  Call anytime for a grooming quote and/or e-mail us with any of your questions or concerns.  If a price isn’t listed on this site, it’s  because we are still figuring out our costs and margins.  Grooming prices vary with size and breed, so please feel free to call us for your price. 

SCHNORTZVILLE SUMMER WRAP-UP                                                                                 Notes: September 12, 2008                                                                                              

QUEEN OF VICKSBURG HONORS SCHNORTZVILLE                                                   Proclaims Council “Pride of the Midwest”                                                                          Anna “Sometimes She Cries” Caro, Queen of Vicksburg, recently crowned      Schnortzville as the Queen’s “Preferred Doggie-Daycare Facility.” Especially     impressed with the Schnortzville Council’s decorum, the Queen selected Council President Lucy Burger (Lab/Boxer) to replace buck-toothed Baroness Carlotta Von Quarbal as Vicksburg’s new Secretary of the Interior.  

Ms. Burger respectfully declined.  “I greatly appreciate the Queen’s offer,” she     explained. “But I’m more of a legislator, and my skills are outdoor-oriented. I’m        simply not one of those dogs you can chain inside a box.” 

DACHSHUNDS: WE ARE DRIVEN                                                                                              Oliver, Uncle Chili Ride Bridget Jones to Freedom                                              Revolutionary Dachshunds Oliver Martin and his uncle Chili Schumacher escaped    from the Schnortzville Puppy Pen this week, shocking their larger brethren into a wild frenzy of frothy play.  

“It was actually Bridget Jones (English Bulldog) who stormed the Bastille,” said        Uncle Chili. "These are turbulent political climes, and hers was an act of defiance.”

“She can take a nothin’ day and tear it in half,” said Mookie Blaylock Schuman         (Collie).   

“She’s very powerful,” added Mr. Martin.

“Yes,” agreed Toby Stawicki. “She’s 185 pounds of pure bulldog muscle. Once she      set aside her old doctrine on non-interference, that fence was done for.”

“I view myself as a proper lady,” said Ms. Jones, reflecting on a life of brawn and     beauty. “Yet a flex of muscle for a good  cause does not embarrass me in the least.”

COOPER SCHNORTZ :  IS THIS LOVE?                                                                                   Signs Point to Budding Romance, New Whitesnake Album                                                  Enquiring minds want to know: is Schnortzville icon Cooper Schnortz (Ultrabreed) romantically linked to another daycare regular?

 “Yes,” snapped Schnortzville Publicist Artie Fufkin. “But his lover’s name isn’t for publication.”

 Can you give us a hint?

 “Of course. They both have the wild-child voodoo going for them. She’s gassy, but       has critical knowledge on various vintage matters. He’s impetuous and poops a lot,     but is totally lovable. It could be the kind of match made in heaven, or the sort of relationship destined to leave a trail of embarrassment from here to Schaumburg.”

BELL NO LONGER TOLLS FOR PALIN                                                                                       Eli’s Initial Support Simply “Alaskan for Trouble”                                                               This week, Elijah Bell (Samoyed-Alaskan Malamute) withdrew his support for Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin. “Initially, I was excited about our shared Alaskan roots,” said Mr. Bell. “But not about burning books and praying gays straight.”  Blinded by the Alaskan connection, Mr. Bell had apparently mistaken Gov. Sarah Palin for Milkbone Heiress Sarah Pavlov.

The McCain-Palin campaign was none-too-pleased over the withdrawn               endorsement. “Eli Bell criticizes Governor Palin for burning books,” said one GOP operative. “Yet, he’s no stranger to eating them.”

The Big Fuzzy Dad fired right back. “I admit that I like to eat books,” he said. “I like to consume ideas, not destroy them.”

A renowned independent, Mr. Bell has so far resisted offering any further   endorsements.

 But will he split his ticket in November?

 “That’s a good question,” said the Fuzzy Daddy.  “My pa once went to a concert not       too far from Vicksburg. Lynyrd Skynyrd was the ticket headliner. Tesla, the opening       act, blew the roof off the place. Pa left immediately after their performance,          completely satisfied, muttering, 'You can’t top that. You just can’t.'  He went on saying        it for days."

REGIONAL RIVALRIES STUMP THE JONES                                                                     Walking Strike Reminiscent of British Printers Union, Air Traffic Controllers         Bridget Jones, perplexed by the growing strife between the East and West Catalpas, recently issued a statement of refusal to walk down either section of the street. 

“That’s ridiculous,” said ­Greta Kisner (Miniature Pinscher). “Ridiculous, I say! She       just doesn’t want to walk, period.”

“I’ll walk anywhere, anytime,” offered Zoey Burns (Brittany). “I started coming to Schnortzville in July of '08, and the first time they walked me it was like something     bright and alien flashed across the sky. Going potty outside was a heroic thing, and       for a moment people set down their glasses in country clubs and speakeasies and thought their old best dreams.”

MEXICAN EXILE SCHEDULES RETURN                                                                         Desperado Back from World Tour                                                                                 Chihuahua Kooba Robledo Jr, inexplicably exiled to Mexico’s Hill of the Seven        Jackals over the summer, will be making his welcome return to Schnortzville later         this month.

“The kid’s had it rough,” said Robledo spokesperson Hector Shapiro III. “A failed        tour, bounced from city to city and home to home . . . the little jester is lucky to be         alive. Just the same, he’s anxious to get back in the saddle with all his fuzzy friends      in daycare.”

Mr. Robledo Jr. vacated his spot in Schnortzville mid-summer to star as David Lee Rodriguez in the unsuccessful Van Halen mini-tribute Panamanitas.  He was           banished shortly after. 

DUNCAN’S HIDE FOOLS NO ONE                                                                                                  Fur Suit Smelled Like Liquor and Wheat Thins                                                                     Clad in a shabby Great Dane costume, Sandy Duncan attempted to fool the         denizens of Schnortzville by checking herself into daycare last week under the alias Shaggy Dunkle.

“She didn’t fool anyone,” noted Geno Miller (Beagle).

“She didn’t even look like a dog,” added fellow Beagle Logan Cromell-Alban. “For starters, she walked hunched-over on two feet. It was an overall poor performance.”

“I’ve never been so insulted,” said Honey Park (Lab Mix). “I mean, Sandy Duncan in a  dog suit? What’s next? Ted Danson in blackface?”

“I thought it was Mick Marrs from Motley Crue,” said Milo Beatle. “That would have       been awesome.” 

Nabisco spokesperson Horna Kincaid denied that Duncan was behind the masquerade, but confirmed that Ms. Duncan was indeed down to a size six. “In          other words, it’s not clear whether or not she was in that dog suit,” said Kincaid. “Yet      it’s entirely possible that our glass-eyed beauty will fly—yet again someday—as         Peter Pan.”

SCHNORTZVILLE CELEBRATES DOG DAYS OF SUMMER
Council Enacts Poop-Free Thursday
July 9, 2008
(CHICAGO) “This summer has the potential to be the greatest ever,” said        Schnortzville Council President Lucy Burger as the Legislature wrapped up its smoothest and most productive session to date. “In fact, it smells better every day.” 

Among the Council’s late spring legislative achievements: the enactment of Poop-     Free Thursdays and the establishment of a Poop-Free Dance Floor. 

“Illinois banned smoking in restaurants, so we banned pooping on the floor,” said    Elijah Bell (Malamute-Samoyed). “This is the best day since my brother Milo Beatle    was neutered. I feel fantastic. This is how Chuck Norris must feel all the time.” 

 Indeed, Schnortzville experienced its first poop-less day just last week.  

“A remarkable turn-around,” said Stella Janssen, a beautiful and playful mixed-breed from Andersonville. “Especially with all the dogs we have here now. I credit Cooper Schnortz and his Dance Resolution (Schnortz Resolution 103). I co-sponsored that legislation, just so you know.” 

“Everyone down here likes to shake a little tail,” explained Cooper Schnortz, the main sponsor of SR-103.  “It’s sassy fun and anyone can do it—except when there’s a pile     of poop in the middle of the dance floor.”

 “It was really bad sometimes,” said Ginny Vance (Chow Mix). “I swear, somebody dropped the Hindenburg in here a couple times before.” 

"Don’t look at me, Koobah (Chihuahua), or Uncle Chili (Dachshund),” cautioned       Oliver Martin (Mini-Dachshund). “I blame the Beagles. They’re known poop packers    and we keep getting more and more of them coming through here for daycare.” 

“Unclaimed poops are the worst,” said Geno Miller (Beagle).  “Cuz we always get the blame.”

 “I agree,” said Logan Alban-Cromell (Beagle). “It’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

 “Like Amy Winehouse,” chimed Honey Park (Lab Mix). “People don’t know it, but        most of her problems stem from dirty stages. She’s stepping in poop every time she turns around. Her people should clean it up. You can’t perform in that crap, unless  you’re Clay Aiken or something.”   

“Don’t get snippy Honey,” said Greta Kisner (Mini-Pinscher), rising on her hind legs. “That’s my job.”   

“See, look what she’s doing,” said Cooper Schnortz, noting Greta’s tendency to          stand on two legs when excited. “She floats like a storm, a virtual dance machine.”        As Councilman Schnortz spoke, he noticed one of Schnortzville’s junior members descending into a squat.  

“Hey kid,” Cooper said sternly. “You can’t poop there. That’s a no-pooping zone. Wait        a few minutes and one of the bosses will take you outside for a walk.”

 “I used to think Schnortzville was about pooping,” said reformed pooper Bridget     

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